Happy Endings are Bullshit

So yeah he made me happy and I feel like such a dumbass for being so trusting with him. Like trusting him as much as I did was insane especially if you have seen my history with men (Michael, Marcus, Exodus). So anyway, we start kicking it in January of this year. And at first I was so gaurded with him. Like he never came around when my daughter was awake. He didnt meet her for the first 2 1/2 months. But he started to prove himself and I fell in love. Its kind of ironic because I never told him that. Dont get me wrong I wanted to plenty of times but I was terrified. Here we are 10 months later and I still love him but I also hate him. I hate him for lying. I hate him for hurting me. I hate him for breaking my heart. I hate that my daughter loves him and will look around the house for him; and he is not here. How hard was it to be here? To tell the truth? To love me back?
People say that you will find someone worth my time. Fuck him. All the typical things friends say to try and make you feel better. I hate hearing that shit. Its always the same thing. I want to hear something I have never heard before, something that is true. I dont know. I do know that my daughter deserves better. I feel like I let her down. Her father is a lame off somewhere being dumb. Then the first man I bring into her life turns out to be a jerk. I think I should really just do the solo thing. She is and will always be my number one focus, its just that being a single mom gets lonely; and Im too old and too grown to have a cuddy buddy. I really want a solid ass man. But I obviously cant pick them; my picker is broken.